Anger is loud. It’s what shows up in an argument, what boils over during a stressful day, what people notice and react to. It’s the emotion that grabs attention — and often gets the blame.
But anger is just the symptom, not the source.
More often than not, anger is what surfaces when something deeper is trying to come out. It's a mask for pain, a shield for fear, a response to feeling helpless, unseen, or unsafe. Underneath the raised voice, clenched fists and red face, there’s usually an untold story — one made of trauma, anxiety, grief, shame, or unprocessed emotions that never had a safe place to land.
Anger Is the Messenger
It’s easy to label someone as having “anger issues,” but rarely do we pause to ask, What’s behind the anger? Because there’s always something behind it. Anger is often the body’s way of saying, “I’m overwhelmed.” It can be a defense against:
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Feeling unsafe
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Being hurt (especially over and over)
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Having no control
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Carrying unresolved grief
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Living with anxiety or chronic stress
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Experiencing trauma, abuse, or bullying
We’re taught to suppress anger or manage it. But what if, instead, we got curious about it?
Managing Anger Isn’t Enough
Anger management techniques — like deep breathing, walking away, counting to ten — can be very useful in the moment. They help prevent destructive reactions. But if we stop there, we’re only scratching the surface.
Real healing begins when we treat the root, not just the reaction. That means creating space to explore what’s underneath the anger.
When we do deeper work through therapy-somatic healing, trauma-informed care, nervous system regulation- we give the hidden parts of ourselves a voice. And over time, the anger doesn’t need to be so loud, because it’s no longer carrying the full weight alone.
The Goal Isn’t to Get Rid of Anger
Anger itself isn’t “bad.” It can be a healthy, protective response when something is wrong. But when it becomes the default way of expressing discomfort or pain, it’s a sign that the deeper issues have been ignored.
The goal isn’t to silence anger — it’s to understand what it’s trying to say.
If you or someone you care about struggles with anger, take a step back from judging the behavior and lean into understanding the emotion. Ask the harder questions. Create space for the deeper feelings. Because when we address what’s really going on — the anxiety, trauma, sadness, fear — the anger no longer has to be the only voice that’s heard.
Anger is what we see. But healing begins when we start looking at what we don’t.
Elizabeth Gomes
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